His Thoughts
by 2ndEnding
Summary: He remembered the day. It still remained vivid within his mind. The rain, the pounding in his heart, her voice, his voice... and the moment his every hope and dream was ripped from his soul. An alternate reason for Elizabeth's rejection.
1. Chapter 1

An alternative idea for Pride and Prejudice

He remembered the day. It still remained vivid within his mind. The rain, the pounding in his heart, her voice, his voice... and the moment his every hope and dream was ripped from his soul.

It had been three months.

Three of the months of his life that he didn't feel was life. He went through daily motions, wake up, eat breakfast, answer correspondence, sit and stare out of the window at the streets below watching life go by until... repeat.

Nothing mattered anymore. It was time to go home.

Home to Pemberley.

Home to Georgiana.

Home to an empty bed,

Home to... an empty heart,

Home to an empty life.

He silently recalled what she had said... what he had said, and the most striking comment "I will not ever be able to marry".

He had wondered in vain for months now. Those few words had taunted him in ways he himself did not understand.

He had taken to heart everything she had said. He tried to do better. He really did. He wanted to become a man worthy of her, her smiles, her words, her ideas, her laughter, her love.

But those few words, he still did not understand.

He had thought of horrible things. Those thoughts put him in agony. He had to know. He had to find her. He had to persuade her that he was trying to become worthy of her...

He decided he needed to stop this vicious cycle of wasting away his days, cradling his bleeding heart and find her again. Show her he had become a better man, even if it was small things like thanking his servants, acknowledging those around him...

He blinked.

There was so much to do before he could see her again. He had neglected Georgiana, and her pleas to come home. He had to apologize to her first before anything else.

When Pemberley came into view his first thoughts were of her. How she would love to walk the grounds. How she would love the gardens. How she would be in awe of his library.

He sighed. He wondered if his dreams would ever become a reality. Or if he was merely fantasizing about a life that wasn't meant to exist.

Those thoughts scared him. To be married to a woman who he could never care for as much as... to be married to a woman who valued his financial status more than he... how could he ever go through with that idea.

Georgiana's children could inherit Pemberley.

His thoughts were interrupted by voices he didn't recognize. He had forgotten that he had opened his house to visitors. Mrs. Reynolds must be giving a tour of the house.

He quietly entered through the servant's entrance as to not disturb the tour.

Georgiana, he thought.

He raced to the family wing, to her rooms. He could hear the pianoforte become louder and louder as he ascended the stairs. It had been far too long. Far too long since he had been truthful to her, why he had stayed in London so long, why he had been so distant, and why he was home so suddenly again.

He paused a moment before announcing himself. She had grown so much since he had last seen her. Her playing had improved and she looked... content.

Before he realized, Georgiana had flung herself into his arms.

She spoke of missing him, of worrying of him, and loving him.

He was suddenly overcome with emotion.

Something he had forced deep down into his soul for many months.

He could feel moisture around his eyes.

If only he could give Georgiana more... a family... a sister...

He saw her eyes.

He saw her eyes and a flash of color.

He saw her eyes and a flash of color and now he was running.

He saw her eyes and a flash of color and now he was running and calling after her.

"Elizabeth!"

She was here. In his home. He couldn't. He couldn't let her leave before at least speaking to her. He pleaded with the heavens to let him speak to her.

She stopped.

He stopped.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't hear anything but her. He couldn't see anything but her. He couldn't find the right words for her. He couldn't let her leave his life again.

He was speaking. He didn't realize it. He had had so much he wanted to say to her. He didn't have time for all of these unnecessary courtesies. He could see she was anxious. She was anxious to leave the garden, to leave Pemberley, to leave him.

He asked one of the questions that had been burning in his mind for months.

Why couldn't she ever marry?

She hesitated. She was surprised at his forwardness. She was silent for a moment.

Her answer brought him to his knees. His mouth went dry. His heart broke again for the thousandth time.

He thought of the possibility before. But to hear her say it destroyed him.

She was dying.

Five months was what the doctor had told her.

He felt as if he would weep.

He was speechless.

His chest felt as if it was going to explode.

"Marry me Elizabeth" he begged her perilously.

He didn't care if it was five months. He'd make them the best five months. He'd love her. He'd do everything that was possible to care for her. He'd get her the finest physicians. He'd be with her till the very end.

Everything else seemed so small comparatively.

His words at Hunsford.

Her words at Hunsford.

His aunt.

Her family.

Bingley,

Jane.

Everything else could be resolved.


	2. Chapter 2

She stood there looking at Darcy... Fitzwilliam.  
She had brought this great man to his knees.  
She could read in his eyes that he was begging her to see that he'd do anything for her.  
She could feel the emotions that she had bottled up inside awakening.  
She could hear the doctors warnings.  
She remembered her fathers face, and her mother shrieks, and Janes tears and...

It was all too much.  
She could barely stand.  
She didn't know if it was from all her emotions or from...

She lowered herself to her knees.  
She was now level with this great man.  
She saw him react, worried she would fall.  
She leaned forward.  
She could see that he thought she would kiss him.

But she didn't.

She laid her forehead on his shoulder and began to weep.  
She felt his strong arms envelop her and pull her close to him.  
She felt his forehead fall to her shoulder.  
She felt him gently kiss her neck as he whispered all his love to her.

She felt safe.  
She felt warm.  
She felt like she was at home.  
She couldn't.

She couldn't be with him.  
She knew she couldn't be with him.  
She knew she couldn't be with him, for it was selfish of her.

She pulled away slowly.  
She felt him resist not wanting to let go of her.  
She felt him slowly run his hands down his arms.  
She felt him clasp her hands with his not wanting to break the contact.

"Fitzwilliam," she said

She saw his face light up.  
She saw hope.  
She saw a future.  
She saw love.

If only she could have a future with this man.

She told him again that she was... dying. She had, had a hard enough time telling her family. She knew her demise would be painful and slow, and she couldn't make him watch her go. She knew she had to do this for him.

She tried.  
She tried to tell him she couldn't.  
That it wasn't fair to him.  
That it was 5 months.  
That he would find someone else...

She tried.

Before she could finish he had interjected.  
He begged her.  
He begged her with his voice.  
He begged her with his eyes.  
He begged her with his heart.  
He begged her with his soul... to at least let him love her for the small amount of time she had left.

She could see in his eyes that moisture had formed and fallen down his face.  
She turned away and closed her eyes.  
She couldn't see this man in so much pain, for she felt his hurt deep in her soul.

She felt him rest his head again on her shoulder.  
She knew it was her turn to envelop him in her arms and provide the comfort.  
She felt him silently cry in her arms.

She didn't know how long they stayed in each other's arms. She watched him regain his breath as his breathing became steady. She didn't dare move. She wished she could stay with him like this forever.

She saw two light blue eyes in the shadows behind him.  
In her astonishment, she had taken a breath in.  
He lifted his head.  
He turned slowly to see what occurred.

"Georgiana," He said in a whisper.

He didn't care that Georgiana had seen his sorrow. Nothing like that mattered anymore.  
He turned back to Elizabeth. His Elizabeth.  
He gently grasped her hand in his and rose slowly never breaking eye contact.

"Elizabeth, I...I would love you to meet Georgiana... my sister"

He was worried that she would leave him, never to return. This was the perfect reason for her to stay... with him... even only for a little while longer.  
He leads her over to two shy light blue eyes.  
He introduces them.

Shy courtesies are exchanged.  
A shy friendship is forged.

Tea is called for.  
They're fast friends.  
Before he realizes it's time for her to go, and he hadn't gotten in a word between them.

Georgiana asks for her to come back.  
He is over the moon.  
She promises the shy blue eyed girl that she will the morrow.

He watches her as she walks into the horizon  
He is determined to find a solution.  
He is determined for her.


End file.
